FUNNY: 2009

Monday, September 7, 2009

Test for Idiocy

Test for Idiocy
B elow are four (4 ) questions and a bonus question.... . You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately . OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are....

Ready? GO!!!

First Question:

Y ou are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutel! y wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
but don't take as much time as you took for the first one, OK ?

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again.. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this, are you?

Third Question:
V ery tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only .
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it.. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 ..
Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000
Now add 10 . What is the total?

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....... .
....Maybe..

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the ! name of the fifth daughter?

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!

Okay, now the bonus round:
I may have sent this one before. I! 'm never sure.
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple...... Like you!

Salary & Govt. Concessions for a Member of Parliament (MP)

Monthly Salary : 12,000

Expense for Constitution per month : 10,000

Office expenditure per month : 14,000

Traveling concession (Rs. 8 per km) : 48,000 ( eg.For a visit from kerala to Delhi & return: 6000 km)

Daily DA TA during parliament meets : 500/day

Charge for 1 class (A/C) in train: Free (For any number of times)
(All over India )

Charge for Business Class in flights : Free for 40 trips / year (With wife or P.A.)

Rent for MP hostel at Delhi : Free

Electricity costs at home : Free up to 50,000 units

Local phone call charge : Free up to 1 ,70,000 calls.

TOTAL expense for a MP [having no qualification] per year : 32,00,000 [i.e . 2.66 lakh/month]

TOTAL expense for 5 years : 1,60,00,000

For 534 MPs, the expense for 5 years :
8,54,40,00,000 (nearly 855 crores)

AND THE PRIME MINISTER IS ASKING THE HIGHLY QUALIFIED, OUT PERFORMING CEOs TO CUT DOWN THEIR SALARIES…..

This is how all our tax money is been swallowed and price hike on our regular commodities........
And this is the present condition of our country:

855 crores could make their life livable !!
Think of the great democracy we have..............
PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO ALLREAL CITIZENSOF INDIA ....
but,
STILL Proud to be INDIAN

Smartness of words..

1 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Long back,
a person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
forgot laughter were called
"Saints"

But now they are called..
"IT professionals"

2 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:
" If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"

3 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present..
Its just that,
One loves too much,
and

The other loves too many,

4 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!

5 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Philosophy of life

At the begining of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!

6 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new
and Just few hours left for your exams..!

7 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jus4Fun
Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"
No Wonder why so many of us become speechless when lecturers ask question..!

8 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Boy: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..! How about this card, it says "To the only Girl I ever loved.!"
Boy: Thats good, Give me 12 of them..!

9 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an opening for you..!
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"

10 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Dont kill our Employee...
...... Leave them to us
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

joks

joks

Ek ladki @ railway station

Waiting for 1/2 hr... gets bored

coin nikala, coin weighing machine mein dala...

58 Kgs

____________

coin nikala

Sandal utari, side mein rakhkhi

coin weighing machine mein dala....

56 Kgs

____________

coin nikala

Jacket utara, side mein rakhkha

coin weighing machine mein dala....

53 Kgs

____________

coin nikala

Dupatta utara, side mein rakhkha

coin weighing machine mein dala....

Side mein baitha bhikari bola...

"Tu chalu rakh. Coin main deta hu"

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Best ad for shampoo

Zail Singh n his logic…J

>> Zail Singh decided to write the MBA exam.
>> He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part.
>> One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.
>> Rajiv : How is your MBA preparation?
>> Zail Singh : Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic..
>> Rajiv : Logic is very easy.
>> Zailsingh : Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
>> Rajiv : OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
>> Zail : YES.
>> Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
>> Zail : YES.
>> Rajiv : Logically, there will be fish in it.
>> Zail : YES.
>> Rajiv : Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
>> Zail : YES.
>> Rajiv : I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
>> Zail : YES.
>> Rajiv : so, logically, your are married.
>> Zail : YES.
>> Rajiv : So, that means U are a heterosexual.
>> Zail Singh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Buta
>> Singh and he was also preparing for MBA.
>> Zail : How is your MBA preparation?
>> Buta : Everything is fine except for the logic.
>> Zail : Oh, logic is easy.
>> Buta : Please, give me an example.
>> Zail : Do you have a fish pot in your house?
>> Buta : NO, I don't.
>> Zail : Saala HOMO!!!

Computer Tech Support Calls

These "silly tech support calls" have been around in e-mails and online since the dawn of tech support.

They are always fun to read. I'm in the mood for a good laugh. How 'bout you?

**********

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... Sorry....

**********

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

**********

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

**********

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

**********

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

**********

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

**********

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

**********

Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

**********

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

**********

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

**********

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

**********

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

**********

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

**********

And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"
Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

God ka address

Ek faqir maangne ke liye masjid ke baahar baitha raha ...
sab namaazi aankh bacha kar chale gaye ...
usey kuch na mila ...

woh phir church gaya , phir mandir aur phir gurudwara ...
lekin usko kissi ne kuch na diya ...

aakhir ek maikhane ke baahar aakar baith gaya ...
jo sharaabi nikalta uske katorey mein kuch daal deta ...

uska katora noton se bhar gaya ...

Faqir bola, "Wah mere Khuda... !!
rahtey kahaan ho aur address kahaan ka dete ho .... "

Say Cheers........ : D ;) :) :)

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

LIFE AFTER FULLY INTEGRATED CARD SYSTEM INTRODUCED AFTER 15TH AUGUST 2011 BY MR NANADAN NILEKENI

very soon........ ......... .......... .......you' ll be having such conversations. ......... .....

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's he..., hold........ ..on..... .889861356102049 998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... You're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jal Vayu. Your home number is 22678893, your office 25076666 and your mobile is 09869798888. Today morning you landed in India at IG International Airport. Welcome back, Sir.. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high bloo pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00"

Customer: "Can I pay by! Credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit o machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107. ."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... By the way... Aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic.... ... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"

Customer: [Faints]

Monday, August 31, 2009

Story !!!!!!!!

God created the donkey

and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-stirringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"
God granted his wish.
............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!
God created the dog

and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.
You will be a dog.

“The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30 years is too much, give me only 15 years.
“God granted his wish.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!
God created the monkey

and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live 20 years.

“The monkey answered:
"To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."
God granted his wish.
............ ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .....
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!
Finally God created man ...

and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."
Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused.
“God granted man's wish
............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .....
And since then, man lives 20 years as a man ,

Marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Ha Ha Ha!! little care

Gabbar: Are o Samba kitni goliyan hai?
Gabbar: Admi 3 aur goliyan 6… bahut nainsafi hai.
Samba: Kahe ki nainsafi sardar 3 admiyon ki 6 goli Hi to hoti hai!
-----------------

If necessity is the mother of invention, then… Frustration is the father of
masturbation!
---------------
Two prostitutes were talking,
1st: We r in the best business in the world.
2nd: How?
1st: We have it, sell it, and we still have it.
--------------------------
A hillarious spelling mistake behind a truck, saying: Put deeper at night!
--------------------
Failure is not when ur girlfriend leaves you... It’s only when u leave her
a virgin!
------------------
Teacher: Soch or Veham me kya fark hai..? Pappu: Aap ki Beti Sweet & Sexy
hai… Ye hamari Soch hai or wo hamare hathon se bach jayegi ye Aap ka Veham
hai.
----------------------------

Girl to another: Kal sapne me mujhe koi chakku se mar raha tha.
2nd Girl: Tu dar mat agar sapne sach hote to mujhe roj ABBORTION karana
padta...
-----------------------------
Mother found a condom in daughter's cupboard. She went straight to her n
asked: What is this?
Girl: To aap kya chahti hain, main is umar mein Maa ban jaaun?!
------------------------------------------
Teacher: Jimmedari kya hoti hai ?
Student: Madam agar apke blouse k 4 batton me se 3 tut jaye to 4th pe jo
aati hai, usko jimmedari kehte hai.

-----------------------
Man Teases his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand
stuff?
New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.

----------------------
Santa "Ek condom dena, girlfrend ko gift dena hai"
Dukaandar : Is par giftcover chada du?
Santa: Arre nahi yehi to cover hai. Gift to mere paas hai.

-----------------------
Santa's father gave him a gun on wedding night & said: Fire in air if ur
wife is virgin, shoot her if not.
Santa fired in air 1st night & shot her 2nd night.
---------------------------

Santa divorced his wife on 1st night. Banta asked him the reason, Santa
said, "Yaar ohdi panty te sticker laga si: OK/Tested. Mohan Lal & Sons
----------------------------

Pappu meets his father in red light area. Pappu: Papa aap yahan?
Father: Bus beta ab 200-300 Rs ki cheez k liye teri maa k nakhre nahi sahe
jate
----------------------------------

Man: Sex ho jaye?
Wife: No.
Man: Jewar le dunga.
Wife: No.
Man: Car le dunga.
Wife: No, No, No.
Beta so raha tha, bich me bola, Meri maanlo, Cycle la dena.

A man was charged with Necrophilia (having sex with a dead woman). The
judge said; I havn’t seen such disgusting case in 20 years. Can you give me
one good reason why you did it?
Man: I can give 3 reasons.It’ non of ur business, she was my wife and I
didn’t know she was dead as she always acted like that.

A man stands nude in front of a mirror n examines himself: I wish 2 inches
more & I'll b a king.
Wife sitting behind: I think 2 inches less & u’ll b a queen.

Wife bought a new transparent Bra, wore in front of her hubby.
Hubby: Issme tum bahut sexy lag rahi ho.
Wife: Pata hai ! Salesman bhi yehi keh raha tha.

In bed frustrated wife was moaning to her husband: Why is it taking so long
to cum?
Husband: I'm trying dear; it's just that I can’t think of anyone tonight!

Ultimate truths about wife !!!

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

David Bissonette

fter marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

sacha Guitry

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Anup

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"

Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Sigmund Freud

'Somepeople ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to arestaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft musicand dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

Anonymous

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'

Sam Kinison

'I've had bad luck with both my wives.
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'

James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Patrick Murra

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

Nash

You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.

Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.

Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine'

Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

Anonymous

Monday, September 7, 2009

Test for Idiocy

Salary & Govt. Concessions for a Member of Parliament (MP)

Smartness of words..

joks

joks

Ek ladki @ railway station

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Best ad for shampoo

Zail Singh n his logic…J

Computer Tech Support Calls

God ka address

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

LIFE AFTER FULLY INTEGRATED CARD SYSTEM INTRODUCED AFTER 15TH AUGUST 2011 BY MR NANADAN NILEKENI

Monday, August 31, 2009

Story !!!!!!!!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Ha Ha Ha!! little care

Ultimate truths about wife !!!

Search This Blog

About Me

My Blog List

Blog Archive

Followers