FUNNY: August 2009

Monday, August 31, 2009

Story !!!!!!!!

God created the donkey

and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-stirringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"
God granted his wish.
............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!
God created the dog

and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.
You will be a dog.

“The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30 years is too much, give me only 15 years.
“God granted his wish.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!
God created the monkey

and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live 20 years.

“The monkey answered:
"To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."
God granted his wish.
............ ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .....
!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!
Finally God created man ...

and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."
Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused.
“God granted man's wish
............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .....
And since then, man lives 20 years as a man ,

Marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Ha Ha Ha!! little care

Gabbar: Are o Samba kitni goliyan hai?
Gabbar: Admi 3 aur goliyan 6… bahut nainsafi hai.
Samba: Kahe ki nainsafi sardar 3 admiyon ki 6 goli Hi to hoti hai!
-----------------

If necessity is the mother of invention, then… Frustration is the father of
masturbation!
---------------
Two prostitutes were talking,
1st: We r in the best business in the world.
2nd: How?
1st: We have it, sell it, and we still have it.
--------------------------
A hillarious spelling mistake behind a truck, saying: Put deeper at night!
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Failure is not when ur girlfriend leaves you... It’s only when u leave her
a virgin!
------------------
Teacher: Soch or Veham me kya fark hai..? Pappu: Aap ki Beti Sweet & Sexy
hai… Ye hamari Soch hai or wo hamare hathon se bach jayegi ye Aap ka Veham
hai.
----------------------------

Girl to another: Kal sapne me mujhe koi chakku se mar raha tha.
2nd Girl: Tu dar mat agar sapne sach hote to mujhe roj ABBORTION karana
padta...
-----------------------------
Mother found a condom in daughter's cupboard. She went straight to her n
asked: What is this?
Girl: To aap kya chahti hain, main is umar mein Maa ban jaaun?!
------------------------------------------
Teacher: Jimmedari kya hoti hai ?
Student: Madam agar apke blouse k 4 batton me se 3 tut jaye to 4th pe jo
aati hai, usko jimmedari kehte hai.

-----------------------
Man Teases his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand
stuff?
New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.

----------------------
Santa "Ek condom dena, girlfrend ko gift dena hai"
Dukaandar : Is par giftcover chada du?
Santa: Arre nahi yehi to cover hai. Gift to mere paas hai.

-----------------------
Santa's father gave him a gun on wedding night & said: Fire in air if ur
wife is virgin, shoot her if not.
Santa fired in air 1st night & shot her 2nd night.
---------------------------

Santa divorced his wife on 1st night. Banta asked him the reason, Santa
said, "Yaar ohdi panty te sticker laga si: OK/Tested. Mohan Lal & Sons
----------------------------

Pappu meets his father in red light area. Pappu: Papa aap yahan?
Father: Bus beta ab 200-300 Rs ki cheez k liye teri maa k nakhre nahi sahe
jate
----------------------------------

Man: Sex ho jaye?
Wife: No.
Man: Jewar le dunga.
Wife: No.
Man: Car le dunga.
Wife: No, No, No.
Beta so raha tha, bich me bola, Meri maanlo, Cycle la dena.

A man was charged with Necrophilia (having sex with a dead woman). The
judge said; I havn’t seen such disgusting case in 20 years. Can you give me
one good reason why you did it?
Man: I can give 3 reasons.It’ non of ur business, she was my wife and I
didn’t know she was dead as she always acted like that.

A man stands nude in front of a mirror n examines himself: I wish 2 inches
more & I'll b a king.
Wife sitting behind: I think 2 inches less & u’ll b a queen.

Wife bought a new transparent Bra, wore in front of her hubby.
Hubby: Issme tum bahut sexy lag rahi ho.
Wife: Pata hai ! Salesman bhi yehi keh raha tha.

In bed frustrated wife was moaning to her husband: Why is it taking so long
to cum?
Husband: I'm trying dear; it's just that I can’t think of anyone tonight!

Ultimate truths about wife !!!

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

David Bissonette

fter marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

sacha Guitry

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Anup

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"

Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Sigmund Freud

'Somepeople ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to arestaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft musicand dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

Anonymous

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'

Sam Kinison

'I've had bad luck with both my wives.
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'

James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Patrick Murra

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

Nash

You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.

Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.

Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine'

Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

Anonymous

Monday, August 17, 2009

Origin of Famous Names...

There are many companies / brands / products whose
names were derived from strange circumstances.

Mercedes
This was actually the financier's daughter's name.

Adobe
This came from name of the river Adobe Creek that ran
behind the house of founder John Warnock.

Apple Computers
It was the favorite fruit of founder Steve Jobs. He
was three months late in filing a name for the
business, and he threatened to call his company Apple
Computers if the other colleagues didn't suggest a
better name by 5 O'clock.

CISCO
It is not an acronym as popularly believed. It is
short for San Francisco.

Compaq
This name was formed by using COMp, for computer, and
PAQ to denote a small integral object.

Corel
The name was derived from the founder's name Dr.
Michael Cowpland. It stands for COwpland REsearch
Laboratory.

Google
The name started as a joke boasting about the amount
of information the search-engine would be able to
search. It was originally named 'Googol', a word for
the number represented by 1 followed by 100 zeros.
After founders- Stanford graduate students Sergey Brin
and Larry Page presented their project to an angel
investor, they received a cheque made out to 'Google'

Hotmail
Founder Jack Smith got the idea of accessing e-mail
via the web from a computer anywhere in the world.
When Sabeer Bhatia came up with the business plan for
the mail service, he tried all kinds of names ending
in
'mail' and finally settled for hotmail as it included
the letters "html" - the programming language used to
write web pages. It was initially referred to as
HoTMaiL with selective uppercasing.

Hewlett Packard
Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard tossed a coin to decide
whether the company they founded would be called
Hewlett-Packard or Packard-Hewlett.

Intel
Bob Noyce and Gordon Moore wanted to name their new
company 'Moore Noyce'but that was already trademarked
by a hotel chain so they had to settle for an acronym
of INTegrated ELectronics.

Lotus (Notes)
Mitch Kapor got the name for his company from 'The
Lotus Position' or 'Padmasana'. Kapoor used to be a
teacher of Transcendental Meditation of Maharishi
Mahesh Yogi.

Microsoft
Coined by Bill Gates to represent the company that was
devoted to MICROcomputer SOFTware. Originally
christened Micro-Soft, the '-' was removed later on.

Motorola
Founder Paul Galvin came up with this name when his
company started manufacturing radios for cars. The
popular radio company at the time was called Victrola.

ORACLE
Larry Ellison and Bob Oats were working on a
consulting project for the CIA (Central Intelligence
Agency). The code name for the project was called
Oracle (the CIA saw this as the system to give answers
to all questions or something such). The project was
designed to help use the newly written SQL code by
IBM. The project eventually was terminated but Larry
and Bob decided to finish what they started and bring
it to the world. They kept the name Oracle and created
the RDBMS engine. Later they kept the same name for
the company.

Sony
It originated from the Latin word 'sonus' meaning
sound, and 'sonny' a slang used by Americans to refer
to a bright youngster.

SUN
Founded by 4 Stanford University buddies, SUN is the
acronym for Stanford University Network. Andreas
Bechtolsheim built a microcomputer; Vinod Khosla
recruited him and Scott McNealy to manufacture
computers based on it, and Bill Joy to develop a
UNIX-based OS for the computer.

Yahoo!
The word was invented by Jonathan Swift and used in
his book 'Gulliver's Travels'. It represents a person
who is repulsive in appearance and action and is
barely human. Yahoo! Founders Jerry Yang and David
Filo selected the name because they considered
themselves yahoos.

Puzzle - give some food to your brain (Say what you see) e.g A R M S- OPEN ARMS.

It should give meaningful sentences or words, Instead of long sentences.

1) C O F F E E

2) Tune
tune
tune
chune

3) H I J K L M N O

4) HA IR

5) S U I T

6) BACK BACK BACK

7) LASE

8) W O R K
S E E S A W S

9) MCE
MCE
MCE

10) TTTTTTTTTT

11)
B
A E
D U M R

12) W
A
T
E
R

।

Answers Answers: 1. Coffee break 2. A change of fortune(4-tune) 3. Water (H2O) 4. Split hair 5. Space Suit 6. Back to back (back, 2back) 7. Jumble sale 8. Work oversees 9. Three blind mice(they do not have I's) 10.TenT 11. The Bermuda Triangle 12.Waterfall